My New Coins

When the Royal Mint cast out for redesigned coins

Nobody believes me when I tell them this. I don't know why; maybe they don't read the news. But they don't.

The Royal Mint has asked the public for ideas for their new range of coins. The reverse side (tails) of all British coins will be changed and there is an open competition to decide the new designs. So I thought I'd have a go.

The penny features an image of the (old) one pence piece, which has long been a symbol of the Great British penny

According to The Times, chef Marco Pierre White's suggestion is that the coins should "revert to some of the traditional images used to decorate coins before decimalisation: the thistle, the lion, or Britannia, bearing a sceptre and shield". Which is, of course, the very images on the 5, 10 and 50 pence pieces already. Idiot.

For the 2p, I have thought outside the box. The coin is two of my updated pennies grafted together into the shape of a Venn diagram

According to The Times, sculptor Antony Gormley's suggestion is that the coins should be "certainly not round, and preferably not symmetrical". Nice plan. Let me know how you get on building a vending machine mechanism to take asymmetrical coinage. Idiot.

The five pence piece is invisible

I am sure this could reduce crime somehow. Except perhaps fraud. ("No, really, I'd like to buy this house in five pence pieces.")

To increase spending, the 10p coin will be replaced with an 11p one. The coin looks like the contemporary 10p coin with a plus sign and a small image of the penny added next to the lion. Nine of these will be useful for paying 99p.

There was a requirement that all the coins feature the Queen's head on the obverse side, hence

To save metal, the reverse of the 20p coin design features a hole. You can see right through it. The obverse features the Queen's portrait and has no hole.

This would also help people store 20p pieces, on a small pole in your car, say. You would have to be sure to add the coins with the hole-side facing the pole, however.

The reverse of the 50p coin would be sold to advertisers on a six-monthly basis. Examples pictured include 50p coins bearing the Channel 4 logo, the Nintendo DS, and the Crazy Frog.

People will object to this, but they will get used to it, or else they can carry around four eleven pence pieces, a five pence piece, and a penny.

The poind coin celebrates our sovreign state and currency. The design is a large, crossed out Euro symbol, reading "one pound — not one euro"

The £2 coin will be replaced with the one pint piece, to co-incide with 2h hour drinking

The Pint is already the de facto currency of all students. This bold move would unify the nation.

From: Joseph Payne To: Andrew Taylor Date: Aug 30, 2005 11:27 AM
Dear Mr Taylor

Thank you for taking the trouble to submit eight drawings for the United Kingdom coin design competition.

These will be placed before the judging panel towards the end of the year and I will let you know the outcome as soon as possible after the meeting.

Yours sincerely
Joseph Payne
Assistant Curator

I was quietly confident.

From: Joseph Payne To: Andrew Taylor Date: Dec 22, 2005 4:01 PM
Dear Mr Taylor

On 8 December the Royal Mint Advisory Committee met to select designs submitted as part of the competition to find new reverses for the United Kingdom coinage. More than 4,000 entries were received from over 500 individuals, and I regret to inform you that on this occasion your artwork has not been chosen.

Your designs were given very careful consideration by members of the Committee and I know they would wish me to thank you warmly on their behalf for taking part in the competition.

Yours sincerely

Joseph Payne
Assistant Curator
Royal Mint

Their loss.