Boohbah, Humbug

I don’t know how long it’s been since the Tellytubbies and the Fimbles started their respective onslaughts on our screens, but it’s certainly too long. The Tellytubbies in particular, despite being accused of hindering children’s ability to speak, and of being gay, have made a lot of money for their parent company, Ragdoll. These profits were increased further by cunningly shouting “again” halfway through each episode, and then repeating the first half at no extra cost – a trick learned from thier earlier show Pob’s Programme, which starred a cheap looking puppet called Pob.

Inspired by this success, Ragdoll have decided to make some new brightly coloured foam idiots and masquerade them on our screens in a new series of fifteen minute parades of the damned, or as they call it, “edu-tainment”. (Personally, I prefer the term “alledg-ucation”.) These new characters are the Boohbah, and they launch today on Children’s ITV. This is what the official website has to say it its defence:

“The design of the show - visually and otherwise, draws upon early concepts in science, maths and art and combines these with ‘televisual magic’ to create a uniquely funny television experience.

“The Boohbahs, five magical atoms of power, light and fun travel in their Boohball around the world, from child to child.”

Now I don’t know where exactly Anne Wood went to school, but I think she needs to take another look at her periodic table. Power is the rate of energy transfer, not an element, and is not an atom. Light is an electromagnetic wave, and while it can be quantitized, it is not an atom either. In fairness, though, fun is a transition metal; I have to give her that much. The Boohball travels along a rainbow (which of course is an illusion caused by the wavelength dependance of refractive indeces), powered by children’s laughter and the magic word (which is “Boohbah” so as not to confuse anybody).

The Boohbah, in case you meet one, look more or less like melted Tellytubbies, and are called Jingbah, Jumbah, Humbah, Zimbah and (my favourite) Zing Zing Zingbah.

But wait there’s more…

“The Boohbahs represent the imaginative power and light which allows children to control the screen action by the use of the magic word “Boohbah”, and send presents into an imaginary Storyworld for the Storypeople - Grandmamma, Grandpappa, Mrs Lady, Mr Man, Brother and Sister, Auntie and Little Dog Fido to play with and make a story in partnership with them. We hear the children intervening in the screen action by the sound of their blowing and their use of the word “Boohbah”. This motivates the action and moves the story along. Only Little Dog Fido is not wholly in their control! Children are totally engaged and have a lot of fun guessing which Storyperson will appear and what will happen next.”

That is also an impressive claim, and I for one find it very hard to believe that shouting “Boohbah” at your TV screen will have any more effect on Mrs Lady than shouting “no, no, back that way” has on bowling balls.

One last word on the subject: Visit their website at boohbah.tv. It has many a pointless game, and you can click on screens full of Boohbah and make them vanish. I haven’t worked out the point in it yet, but it seems to be essentially the same as the new Wario game, except not fun.