Blasphemy: What a Load of Old God

Christians in modern times face unprecedented persecution. God is being systematically removed from public discourse, in favour of crass sexual terms. It was once commonplace to hear “oh, God” or “for God’s sake”, but increasingly God is being replaced with “fuck”. Sex is the new idol, called out to in times of frustration and desire, and whose sake is invoked as the highest calling to which one can make a request. Ireland has even gone so far as to ban the traditional, Christian expletives, forcing the religious to use the vulgar and offensive sexual alternative. This should not surprise anyone, as Ireland has always had a problem with rampant militant secularists.

We must fight back! No more should we use terms for sexual acts or organs as expletives and insults. We must restore God to His rightful place at the centre of our lives, politics and offensive vocabulary. Here are some examples for you to work into future arguments and/or orgasms:

• "Would you like to sign my petition for gay rights?" / "Oh, God off."
• "Women should have the right to abortions!" / "What the Godding God for?"
• "I demand the right to free speech!" / "God you, Holy Mary Mother of God-Godder!"
• "That Richard Dawkins talks a right load of God." / "Yes, he can be an utter God sometimes."
• "I was totally Godded last night." / "Me too. I nearly Godded my pants."
• "Check out the Gods on her!" / "I'd God her. I'd God her right up the God."